The best thing about life in the “real world” is that nobody can tell you what to do. Or they can try, but they can’t make you do it. The hard part is that it’s up to you to take ownership of your life and decide what you want to do with it. This post explores why this freedom is unsettling and give some action steps that you can take as you explore what ownership means.
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Who’s in charge here, anyway?
Have you ever felt uncertainty about whether you’re on the right path, personally or professionally? Do you worry you might be making the wrong career choice? Do you ever wish that someone would tell you what you should be when you grow up?
I have felt each of those things at various points. Especially when I screwed up on a project. Or when I felt like I didn’t live up to someone else’s expectations as a friend, or a partner, or a colleague.
While it seems straightforward, it actually took me years to fully realize that I’m the only one responsible for my choices, my career, and my future. And so are you.
And while that ownership may scare you, it can also be freeing. We just need to realize that it’s happening, and that for many of us, it’s different than life before graduation.
“Caution, the moving walkway is ending.”
The sound at the end of an airport people-mover is a familiar part of the travel soundscape. It’s not quite as comfortable or familiar when you feel it at the end of senior year.
In many ways, your educational experience resembles that moving walkway in an airport. You’ve been on a path since kindergarten that was mostly set out. You gained some additional choices in middle school (which clubs to be in) and in high school (how many science classes, or which foreign language to study. And you even got to choose which college to attend, what to major in, and where to live. But once you get on at the beginning of the educational journey, as long as you follow the guidelines and meet the expectations set out for you, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll wind up with a degree at the end of it.
Once the moving walkway ends, however, your choices are almost limitless. This is pretty awesome, in both definitions of the word. On one hand, it’s pretty great that you get to make choices all by yourself. And on the other hand, it’s awe-inspiring, and so potentially overwhelm that you can hardly wrap your mind around what it all means.
This is one reason that marketing pitches for many diets, exercise programs, and political candidates can work so well. They promise that if you sign up for something, a problem–or all of your problems, will be solved for you.
But in reality, all personal change comes from personal decisions, and once you decide to make a change, you have the ability to find the resources, allies, and plans to make it work.
How does this impact my job and career choices?
When it comes to your work, nobody else is going to care about your success as their number one priority. That’s your job.
Your boss at work is undoubtedly invested in you being as successful as possible. But they also likely have a couple of other direct reports—and their own job—to worry about. Family members and friends are probably supportive, but your choices and success are number two or lower on their priority list in most cases.
Wait, is that a good thing?
Surprisingly, realizing that you’re the only one who holds your success as priority #1 can be a bit of protection against both impostor syndrome and analysis paralysis. If nobody else cares about your career as much as you do, that means that you are the most important person to please. You don’t need to wait for someone’s permission to make a decision that’s right for you. Sure, it’s still great to get advice from bosses, mentors, colleagues, or family members. But you don’t need to wait for their permission to make a decision that’s right for you. If you don’t make career moves unless somebody affirmatively tells you, you’d likely miss out on a number of great opportunities along the way.
So if a career direction feels right to you, go ahead and explore it. Maybe you’ll wind up in a job that doesn’t launch your dream career. That’s still great, you’ve learned something about the role, figured out what was good and what wasn’t—and you’ll have been paid a salary to learn that lesson.
I’ve learned that a career is a long time, and it allows for many choices along the way. Just because you make one decision on a job or a company, that doesn’t close all of the other doors. The most important step is getting started.
So what can you do to take ownership of your life and career?
Have a conversation with yourself
Ask yourself what you’ve learned about your life up to this point. Which activities, jobs, or opportunities have resonated with you, or opened doors that you’d like to explore further?
Different people have different ways they prefer to have conversations with themselves, and a lot can be said for writing down your thoughts in a journal or on some other piece of paper, so that you can later react to them. I also like going for a walk outside, away from daily technology, and actually asking and answering questions out loud.
I find that when I attempt to explore questions verbally or in writing, putting them into words can help free ideas from a confusing and stressful jumble where they often reside in my head. It allows me to focus on the most important question at this particular time and to leave all of the other stuff to the side.
Start a list
Lists can be powerful tools in helping you organize your thoughts. Brainstorming lists. Pro and con lists when weighing one or two decisions. Bucket lists when you’re thinking about long-term goals for life (not just for work).
As you explore questions about where you want to go in life, make a list.
Make a decision, and an action plan to go with it
Whether it’s a decision on a career move, a new home, a relationship, or otherwise, it’s helpful, once you’ve made the decision to actually map out the key steps and timelines, for making it happen. Creating a list of action steps and schedule can help keep you from my favorite form of procrastination–continuing to research a topic and saying I’ll make a decision when I know “enough.”
Related: 4 Ways to Build Better Habits for Life
If your decision doesn’t work out, consider what you’ve learned, figure out your choices from here, and make the next one.
Sometimes our decisions don’t work out. Maybe we made mistakes along the way. Maybe it wasn’t the right long-term fit for us. Maybe a project was good, but it outlived its usefulness.
No worries.
Now’s a good time to have another conversation with yourself. See what worked and what didn’t and use that new knowledge to course correct and inform your next step on your journey.
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